I would like to state for the record, that I have always been a cat person. I own a cat, I tend to sympathize with their lifestyle, and I understand cats much better than dogs. Many of my friends have dogs that are perfectly OK. (Sadie, Mikey, Jordan, you guys are OK by me.) I don't love them, but I certainly don't hate them. My hatred started exclusively with poodles. I haven't met a poodle I liked, and you can blame my overarching dog hatred on them entirely.
Two years ago, while I was home from college for a month in the summer, I made the terrible mistake of agreeing to house sit, which also included dog sitting for two mini poodle creatures. Right from the start, I hated those dogs. They would yap and yap and yap and yap when you pulled up to the house. Every single day, they were waiting in the window to yell at me. The worst part was, one of them was supposed to be locked in a cage upstairs, but somehow she managed to get out every single day! I still don't know how she did it. At the time, I was also working 8 hours a day, because dog sitting sure as hell wasn't going to pay my way thorough school. I guess between me being gone, and the dogs realizing their owners had left them to my care freaked them out to the point where they were unable to control their bladders and bowels. Every day, and I swear I am not exaggerating, after a long day at work, I came back to the house practically covered in pee and poop. After congealing all day, it got so bad, my mom and dad had to come over with scrapers to help me clean up. We are talking every room, every different type of floor surface, carpet, concrete in the basement, and hardwood. After three or fours days, the flies invaded. I am pretty sure I called my parents crying a couple times because I wanted to kill those dogs so badly. I even started covering the floors with newspaper every morning before I left, but the dogs still found ways to pee and poop on the floor, not my clever newspaper set up. The family was gone for twelve days, and by the time they returned, I said GOOD RIDDANCE to those little terrors and vowed never to dog sit ever again. As the capstone to my horrible experience, I also only got 10 bucks a day for living at the fly/dog poop infested house, cleaning up after the mangy mutts, and God forbid I should let them starve, feeding them so they could just keep peeing and pooping all over. Not that I would EVER consider it, but my parents have banned me from ever dog sitting again.
I thought that was the end of my horrific dog experience, but no. Dogs apparently cannot control themselves in my presence, they MUST pee or poop by me. A very good friend of mine was over at my apartment hanging out with myself, my roommates and a few other friends. I love this friend dearly, but on this particular occasion, she had brought her dog along so he would not feel neglected being left along at home. Apparently, none of us there that night were giving him enough attention though. He pooped right on our brand new carpet, and boy oh boy then did he get some attention. This time, I wasn't head of cleanup. My friend had to do that. But nonetheless, I was not happy with her precious doggie, and said goodbye to my friend that night stone-faced.
All of this is in the past though, so you would think that I would get over it. But alas, for me, the dog drama is never-ending. I cannot seem to get away from it. Since I have been working at my current job, a few coworkers have brought their dogs in for the day, every now and then. I have tried my hardest to be nice to the dogs, but I tend to wear my feelings about dogs on my sleeve. This past month at the office, we have had the unfortunate task of having office dogs daily. Sometimes it is just one, most often it is two, and at most, it has been four. One of my coworker's dog must think we work outside. She never has to pee or poop on one of the hourly walks she is taken on. Instead, she relieves herself on the carpet in the copy room, in front of my bosses office, and her absolute favorite spot, in front of my desk. Generally, I am the lucky one to find her pee, and have to be the bearer of bad news to my coworker that his dog is slowly destroying our office. Yesterday, after a successful Monday with no pee, I suddenly smelled the undeniable stench of poop throughout the office. I proceeded to walk around the entire office, only to find some of the poop right next to my desk, and the rest in the storage room also next to my desk. That was it. I couldn't handle it anymore. According to my coworkers, you should have seen my face. Priceless.
I hope you have enjoyed my insane stories, and can now understand and appreciate why I hate dogs so passionately. I'm sticking to cats. : )
Hehehe...you and my mother would get together splendidly!!!!
ReplyDeleteFunny story and sadly, the events that took place on the east coast were not exaggerated. In fact, you forgot the time you dog were dog sitting for the one who was afraid of lightening and put her in the bathroom during the summer storm where she had diarrhea all over the tub. Or the time we were watching the Cleveland's dog, also afraid of thunder and lightening. We had her in the backyard when a sudden storm came, she jumped the fence and we spent the next few hours driving around the neighborhood looking for her.
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